I am just so stressed out I feel sick. I hate nights like these where I can’t sleep due to thinking about all the things I have to do, and all the expectations there are for me, and all the things that require money I don’t have. Worrying about how to make basic ends meet and there are people on your case about superficial things like turning the burner on ‘high’ when boiling water. I am tired of feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, that I won’t be able to catch up on everything and get ahead. I am getting a big tax return, and instead of getting to spend it on something cool like most everyone else does, mine is already delegated to necessities. And to top it off, I am finding myself putting school second to work just to stay afloat.
As happy as I am, I can’t help but feel overwhelming guilt at how my happiness flowered from someone else’s hurt and unhappiness. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve to be happy for what I caused, but at the same time, I have to consider myself in the equation and not sacrifice my own feelings and opinions. I guess what I need to find is a balance. I think I get a little closer to that each day, though I am still pretty far off.
